you

fell into love web so badly and
tadaahh ended up with a 3weeks short first love.
it's kinda unpredictable that my so called first love is so damn short.
of course,everything happen for a reason.
and we both accepted it.

but,im here to express my feelings.it has bothered me for quite sometime.
it's okayh to write anything here,because you just won't bother.
you won't see it.you won't care anymore.
i don't know why and how i could fell this deep in this only 3 weeks.
i cried very hard the days after.
and i realised something a few days ago.
why did i made myself look so horrible?why ?
why do i bother so much since you've already gave up and you just won't spend any second more with me,with my life.
so, i tell myself to cheer up and don't do something that i'll regret a lot like the "overeating syndrome".
that's stupid and i promised will not do that,perhaps putting more effort into my diet plan.
having an ability to distract me from him is vulnerable.
but i made it.i succeeded to fill the missing piece with my aim for stpm.
then i studied very hard the next 2 days.
but i just discovered that i was lying to myself.
you've already managed to pull yourself out of the dilemma and i just don't want to look stupid.
and told myself that i'm okay. i've moved on.
LIES.
it's all lies.a similar perfume smell like yours could triggered me of the memories.
thinking of myself lying on your wide comfy shoulder.
lol,that's crap.
and i was so silly to have hope that you'll ever remember anything about us,mentioned something about me to others, or even sending me a warm message when i'm in the midst of rushing homework and notes.
and to be frank,i'm having severe biological disorder now.
having stupid periods unperiodically.
having severe hair loss,hair fall and severe dandruffs.
not only that, but having insomnia during nite time.couldn't sleep up to 6 hours a day.
and these are getting more and more serious as i keep on distracting myself away from him by giving myself more and more pressure.non-stop stressing myself that i've ran out of time for stpm preparation.
eevon said i'm having biologically disorder it's all cause by my mentality disorder.
not having mental illness but because i haven find out a balance point between work and love matter.
yeah,she's right.
i was so happy so cheerful a few days ago is because i still haven't accept the fact.
thinking of various possibility of getting back together.
how silly.

life goes on.

i knew it.

but..

i just miss u a lot.